Grief is Like a Base Note

For those who’ve experienced a significant loss, grief is like a base note. Sometimes loud and driving, sometimes fading into the background. But always there.

This awareness arose as I looked out at 14 women of varying ages, sitting in chairs and curved in a circle under the tall pine tree at Unbridled Way Farm. I shared it with them, and the group, huddled in jackets, hats, and lap robes,instinctively nodded. 

It was crisp, sunny Saturday morning -November 1st - the Day of the Dead, a time to remember those loved ones who have died. We were gathered there to explore the Art of Grieving with Horses. In some cultures, people believe that the veil between the living and the dead is thinnest on this day. My co facilitator, Jenna Little, and I were setting the stage for the experience.

And in that circle of women, a community of support began to build as everyone shared their stories and we all listened deeply. When one of us was brave enough to share our story, others would find commonality and resonance. “I am not alone” That is how a healing community is built.  

The horses had already made themselves known, barely looking up as they soaked in the sun with their eyes closed, but pricking their ears toward us as we walked closer toward them.They each have their own story of grief and loss. 

Some studies suggest that horses can take up to a year to process the death of one of their herd, due to the complex and close relationships they develop. And just like us, horses express their grief uniquely. There is no consistent or predictable pattern.

In my own experience, grief comes and goes in intensity, and sometimes without warning, erupts into a wave of emotion that takes me by surprise. Like dominoes, one loss tumbles into the one before it, or around it, or beside it. But every time I allow myself to fall,  I come back with a more mended heart.

Jenna and I plan to continue this community of healing by offering another Art of Grieving with Horses Retreat on Saturday, January 10th, 2026, from 9:30-12:00, with an additional hour of informal connection and conversation for those who would like to stay. Registration and more information is here.